Out of My Nest

As I watched my son takes his big leap out of my nest into the vast unknown world, I couldn’t regret it more and wished I knew anything better.

I felt deeply overwhelmed with guilt, sadness, joy, and pride. 

Out of my own pain and suffering, I caused him tremendous pain and suffering. Now that I’ve healed myself well enough, I feel more confident that I can do a better job, but of course, I cannot rewind the time. He’s grown with wounds and now departing. 

Momentarily, I thought “How ironic. Now I’m ready to be a mother and he’s ready to leave his mother.” Then, I heard the sweet voice whispering in my heart, “It’s not that you failed and got no second chance. You’ve done your work well enough and this is why he’s become ready to take the next step. He’s gathered enough strength and is now ready to take off.”

I always thought I was raising my son, but from a spiritual perspective, he was raising me. Then, I understood. My son’s departure presents a medal just like the one Jiminy Cricket received when Pinocchio became a real boy. It is an acknowledgment that I’ve “passed” and “graduated” as a parent of a young child regardless of my self-assessment and judgment. 

From now on, my job as his mother is to root for him, cheer him on, support him, encourage him, and keep reminding him that he’s doing a stellar job and that he’s got all he needs within. I shall do so from an outfield bleacher. No more from the dugout with a megaphone. 

We don’t seem to remember, but we all choose our parents. If you think about who came here first and who followed after, you’ll know who’s got the choice. We choose our parents who give us the best condition for our spiritual growth although it may take pain to learn. 

Thank you, Taku, for coming into my life as my precious son. Thank you for choosing me for your mother. I am deeply sorry for not being the best mom I wish I could’ve been. I love you very much and I am so proud of you. You are more than enough, already. One day, I hope you will learn to be proud of yourself and find inner peace. Thank you for being the best son I could ever ask for.